Marissa's Mom
by sexycereal0
Summary: Luke declares his love for Julie. A parody songfic based on Fountains of Wayne's "Stacey's Mom".


Marissa was surprised to see Luke sitting on the hood of his car waiting for her when she arrived back from the spa with Summer in tow. This was not what she needed right now, if the bastard wanted to sleep with her mother he could at least keep away from her. All she wanted to do was collect some clothes and personal things from her mother's (Summer tagging along for moral support) and then get as far away from both the traitors as possible.  
  
As she got closer, ready to walk right past him to make her shunning obvious, Marissa noticed that Luke appeared to have his guitar with him. What kind of freak drove round with a six-string calling shotgun? She shrugged mentally; it was her mother's gift to drive people crazy: why shouldn't Luke be the next victim, after all they'd exchanged bodily fluids – he'd probably been infected by evil. Marissa winced at the image.  
  
"Marissa! Marissa!" Luke ran round to the passenger door, grabbing his guitar as he called for her, rushing to the girls' side.  
  
"Stay away from me, Luke," Marissa spat, avoiding eye contact as she tried to push past him.  
  
"Summer, hi," he tried politeness.  
  
"Ew?!" Summer stormed past the two, marching up to the steps of Marissa's house, "coming Coop?"  
  
"Wait! Marissa, I'm so sorry. I, I just want to explain myself," Luke pleaded.  
  
Marissa's attention-seeking character flaw screamed out to stay, embrace the conflict, and she appeared visibly torn as she looked over to Summer.  
  
"Yeah…" she replied aimlessly, gaze flicking back and forth between the pair on opposite sides of her driveway. Finally she sighed, acceding, "make it quick, Luke."  
  
Stumbling for words and almost tripping over Marissa Luke hurried to get seated back on the hood of his car, fumbling with the tuning knobs of his guitar.  
  
"Luke? What're you doing?" Marissa demanded as an exasperated Summer looked on before raising an eyebrow and swapping her view for the perfect manicure that now adorned her nails.  
  
"I, I wrote you a song, you know to like explain what's been up with me," he explained earnestly, "I figure you deserve it, and, and a lot more. You're a great girl Marissa and the way I treated you was out of line."  
  
She smiled slightly. Luke thought she was a great girl. Marissa liked it when people liked her, it meant that all the effort she had put into her appearance and perfect manners was working. She'd make a great trophy wife one of these days.  
  
"That's so sweet!" Summer exclaimed, "uh, for a jerk-off," she added at Marissa's deathly glare.  
  
There was an awkward pause as Luke stared at Marissa, who was staring at Luke expectantly while Summer stared at them both, bored.  
  
"Well?" she asked impatiently.  
  
"Oh, oh yeah… okay…" Luke steadied his nerves before he started some quiet strumming for the intro.  
  
"Marissa's mom has got it going on, she's all I want and I've waited for so long," he burst into fevering song.  
  
"What?!" Marissa exploded, while Summer attempted to stop the laughter that was bubbling up from her chest.  
  
Luke continued, unperturbed, "Marissa can't you see your just not the girl for me, I know it might be wrong but I'm in love with Marissa's mom."  
  
At this point Seth's head appeared over the fence, an amazed look on his face as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing.  
  
"Dude, what are you doing?" but before Luke could stop mid-verse to answer Seth disappeared as fast as he had arrived, with only the faint cry of "Dude, Ryan, you gotta see this!!" to be heard from the Cohen's vast garden.  
  
"Marissa's mom… aaaaaaaah, Marissa's mom, aaaaaaah," Luke warbled, eyes closed kickin' off his own musical vibe with no acknowledgement of the hysterical ex-girlfriend in front of him.  
  
By now Summer was doubled over, laughing her ass off as she was nearly knocked onto that very same ass by Julie Cooper throwing open her front door and storming out into the driveway.  
  
"What the hell is going on?" she demanded.  
  
Ryan and Seth both popped up behind the fence again, giggling to themselves in a rather effeminate way.  
  
The presence of his newly declared love woke Luke from his musical trance, finally noticing the audience he had attracted. Usually he would be happy about the attention, but right at that moment he kind of wished that he was small enough to climb inside his beloved guitar and live there for all eternity. He thought Julie would think he was romantic – win him one up on that pathetic granddad – but she just looked pissed.  
  
Summer had moved to comfort Marissa who was now too embarrassed to even look anyone in the face, and Seth and Ryan were engaged in a half-hearted argument about whether or not Ryan should go to Marissa. Both of them were too amused by the events unfolding to actually disrupt them though.  
  
Julie stormed up to Luke, the expression on her face unmistakably furious, "Luke," she stopped to compose herself, "honey, what are you doing? Here. In front of all these people," she asked quietly through gritted teeth.  
  
In that moment Luke didn't care anymore, hell, he wasn't going to get Julie anyway. He might as well finish what he'd started.  
  
"I'm like, declaring my love. I've had enough of hiding. I love you Mrs. Coop- I mean Julie," he responded sincerely.  
  
"Maybe you THINK you do, but you don't know—"  
  
"I'm not some little boy, I know what I'm feeling. What I always have ever since carpool, I'm not a kid anymore" he finished.  
  
"Then stop acting like a child," she hissed.  
  
"What about me?!" shrieked Marissa, "you guys are RUINING my life!" suddenly she spotted Ryan in her peripheral vision, "Ryan! Are you laughing?" she screamed, "I thought you loved me!"  
  
Behind the fence Ryan attempted to sober himself, his lips pressed very hard together to prevent any laughter escaping until Seth uttered the words, "that's not how your mom does it," causing him to double up. Breathing becoming a difficulty.  
  
"Suuuuuummer, nobody loves me!" she whined.  
  
"I'm—I'm sorry—Coop" she stuttered through choked giggles, "it's just—like—like so…" she trailed off, moving to stand by Seth and Ryan, away from the treat of bodily harm that was radiating from Marissa.  
  
"Hey, since your dad left you're mom could use a guy like me!" Luke protested.  
  
"What a mother-banging, womanising cheat with a floppy hair and a guitar?" Summer smirked, "yeah she needs a guy like you like she needs a perm!"  
  
Seth touched his hair, looking over to Summer, "hey, the perm has similar qualities to the Jew-fro. Never knock the Jew-fro."  
  
Summer patted him on the head affectionately and then composing herself went to put an arm around Marissa, "come on Coop, let's get your stuff and go."  
  
"No, I just want to go home now," she sniffed dramatically.  
  
"Okay, come on, it'll be okay, like hardly anybody saw anything except for Cohen and he doesn't have anyone to tell anyway, it'll be fine," she reassured.  
  
"You think so?" Marissa pleaded.  
  
"Uh, sure," Summer replied, throwing a helpless look back to Seth and Ryan.  
  
Sighing the two looked after Marissa and Summer, climbing into Marissa's car and speeding away. Luke looked dejected and started packing his guitar back into his own car and Ryan and Seth soon found themselves bored with the scene, heading inside to change into swim short. If they couldn't watch controversial scenes between their neighbours they might as well frolic in the pool.  
  
Julie was left standing in the middle of her driveway, a glass of red wine in hand despite it being around noon. Completely embarrassed she looked over to Luke who seemed to be getting ready to leave.  
  
"I'm really sorry Mrs. Cooper, I never meant—well you know," he apologised.  
  
Just as he was climbing into the car Julie called out, "did you write the song?"  
  
"Uh, yeah," he paused, letting the engine die out as he leaned out the window over his guitar, "I, I could play you some more if you wanted," he offered clambering out of the car.  
  
Julie pulled her barely-legal boy toy to her, pressing her lips hard against his before whispering, "afterwards."  
  
"Yeah, sure, sure," he stuttered allowing himself to be dragged into Cooper's family home for some action that definitely was not suitable for all the family. But hey, at least if Mr. Cooper really did lose all his money Julie and he could make "Horny Housewives and their Barely Legal Boy Toys II", not that they'd made the first one of course. 


End file.
